Sex and Kink

nakedness and naughtiness- nsfw

Tied-up and Tantalised

MelC 1 Comment

I’ve always had a thing about knots.

Learning to tie my shoelaces in school took forever- I had velcro till I was in grade 4 or 5. And I had a pink bag for my lunch that had a pull tie opening. I was always worried something might fall out so I would tie it again and again and again. In sewing clases I could never figure out how to do those nice flat sewing knots, and so would tie at least a half dozen twists to create my very own Gordian Knot.

I once tried to tie myself up, when I was in high school. That didn’t turn out so well. I got stuck. My mom freaked out about it.

On one occasion, again, in high school, I tried to tie up my best friend. In a purely innocent kind of way, naturally.

When Finn and I were married, I once suggested that we try out bondage stuff. I wanted to have my hands tied above my head. I wanted to be blindfolded, to feel out of control and have to surrender totally and utterly. We tried it, and it just didn’t feel right. He was too aggresive, and very uncomfortable with the idea of tying me up. He seemed to struggle with the idea that I was enjoying it. That was our one and only experiment into bondage.

Since then, I’ve had a few lovers who have been willing to play with it. I’ve been handcuffed, tied, blindfolded. I even got to be suspended once at a big party- that was fun, even if I was drunk and more-than-slightly high.

But I really really wanted to experience more.

I wanted to experience rope.

A few weeks back, during a long conversation with a few friends, Orion expressed how he missed having play partners to tie up. My ears perked up like a cat who just heard the can opener twisting around a fresh tin of friskies. We were good friends, like old comrades who had been through some epic adventures and shared a lot of Life stuff with one another, we are on the same page about so much in terms of spirituality and personal growth, but I knew him as more of a light and rainbows kind of person. He played with rope?

Suddenly all the fleeting and ignored what if  thoughts I’d had about him went flashing through my head, and then all the fantasies about rope, and then the little moments of flirtation that had started occurring between us, and I knew I had to find a way to bring it up with him.

I let a week go by. We were doing the summer hanging-out-with-lots-of-friends thing and that just didn’t seem like the right time to bring it up. I was sneaky about it. I just casually dropped it into a facebook chat conversation one day. The next day we met up in person to talk about it more, and the more we talked, the more we realised we had some really wierd kinks and fetishes in common.

Orion is a ‘switch’. Meaning he can dominate one moment, and be completely submissive to me when I want to dominate. I’ve always been able to be more dominant with women, but never with guys. Not for lack of wanting to, I don’t think, but just because I never found myself with men who were okay and comfortable with that.

He’s helping me to get a whole lot more comfortable with that side of myself. And, there’s something quite fun about being able to tie him up too.

Yes, I’ve been learning rope. And we’ve been playing, in this crazy rope and tantric dance, in my tiny little bedroom. And after, we cuddle, and hold eachother, and laugh and giggle hysterically at all of this and talk about spiritual shit and relationships and the singleish life. Its one of the most comfortable and creative sexual partnerships I’ve ever experienced, I think perhaps because of that long standing friendship. I don’t know if most ‘play partners’ share pancake breakfast in the morning, but the fact that we can share a night and morning together is deeply nurturing, and something that was missing in some of my other recent relationships.

Its bondage and spirituality all rolled into one diabolical exploration of intimacy, sexuality, and friendship. And its awesome.

And also, I think its possible I might now be slightly better at tying my shoelaces than I used to be.

Sex and Sensuality

MelC Leave a comment

Alright, lets talk about Sex.

There’s so many different kinds of Sex, and yet most articles and books focus on what, to me, is the more superficial side of sex. There’s oodles of instruction manuals out there, try this position, massage here, etc. Very few people talk about the difference between sexuality and sensuality.

For myself, I crave intimacy in all sex. It’s not as simple as two or more hormonally compatible people getting eachother off. Been there, done that thankyou very much. I’ve had flings and trysts and even a few more long-term experiences like that and while it can be fun, it leaves me feeling drained and dry.

My body is more than just a mastrubation machine.

So what’s the intimacy? When there’s intellectual attraction and emotional attraction on top of the physical attraction, that’s where magic can start to happen. Add spiritual attraction and sparks will start to fly. And that doesn’t preclude one-night stands. Some of the best sex I have had has been spontaneously with people I hardly knew, yet felt an incredibly strong connection with.

Having more than one night a week of sexual extravagance seems to drain me; as much as I really love it, I also want to be able to function properly the next day!

I wonder how orgasms differ for men. I know that for myself there’s a vast repertoire. There’s clitoral orgasms, very different from vaginal orgasms. There’s small inward orgasms which are more like a tiny almost imperceptible squeal, and then there’s the full body quaking orgasms and the mind blowing full body squirting orgasm. And let’s not forget the peegasm. Yes. I said peegasm. Ladies- next time you go to the washroom, hold your pee and fantasize, and hold your pee some more, and then…release. I refuse to believe I’m the only person in the world who does this.

Then there’s the question of what type of foreplay gets you there. Some people need to be dominant. Some love to be submissive. Some are “switch” and enjoy both roles equally. Some people love to give pleasure- their joy is seeing someone else brought to orgasm by their handiwork. Some people are so in their heads they need to be teased in different and unpredictable ways or told stories in order to climax.

Personally, I love it all! One of the most exciting things about having multiple lovers is the variety I get to experience in bed- both in what I receive, and in what each different person brings out of me. Its impossible to get bored.

But the best part of sex? For me it’s in the moments just after the climax, when all your walls have dropped, when your sweet vulnerable soul is exposed to your lover, and theirs is exposed to you, and you can glimpse the truth in their eyes. It’s the gentle stroking of the skin in post-coital bliss, as every cell scintillates and glows with orgasmic delight. It’s the joyful surrender into the arms of someone you trust, as you feel them surrender back into your own arms. It’s the smell of bliss that permeates the room and cocoons you in its warm embrace as you offer up words of honesty that come bubbling forth from the core of your being. It’s that intimacy- when you feel that subtle merging of body and mind- that I crave more than anything.